Recently, I came across this article on MSNBC entitled, "The Mom Judging Olympics: A competition that nobody meant to enter." Essentially the article talks about how 90 percent of moms judge each other. This I believe. But I actually believe that the number should be 100 percent of moms judge each other. And if you count yourself in the 10 percent that is supposedly non-judgmental, then I am judging you right now for not being honest with yourself.
One example that the article discusses is judging other moms for not breast-feeding. Then judging them if they breast-feed too long, or not long enough. Having a bratty kid, letting them watch too much television or allowing them to eat certain foods all make the judgment list. However, I would like to think that most moms keep their comments to themselves. You know, the whole, "If you don't have anything nice to say...." Sure we might confide in our husbands or close friends with a few of these remarks a-la "I can't believe they are bringing their 4 year old to a 11:30 p.m. showing of Hell Raiser." And part of a good friendship is keeping others accountable if they are making choices that are dangerous. But for the most part, we keep day to day parenting advice to ourselves unless explicitly asked. Which by the way, if someone has the secret on how to ensure that your toddler sleeps past 6:30 a.m. on the weekend, I am all ears. I am not, however, all ears to hearing that your child always sleeps from 8 pm to 8 am "just cause." Nobody likes the person who claims to have no problems at all.
So why do we do this as moms? Why do we judge each other in the first place? And why would we ever vocalize to other moms all the things that we think they are doing wrong? Whether a mom makes every bite of their children's food or buys them Gerber vegetables, that is their choice. If they dress them in pricey organic cotton outfits because they are eco-friendly or shop the sales at Target, again, their choice. I had a friend once tell me that she was so judged by breast feeding moms in her play group, that she used to excuse herself to go "breastfeed" her son while she really gave him a bottle of formula. And another mom once said that she used to drop her kids off at the gym daycare and leave through the locker room to go have a cup of coffee at Starbucks and read a magazine. These are the things that women don't usually tell each other, primarily because of the fear that if a mom is going to judge you for the small stuff, why wouldn't they judge you for the stuff that makes us all human?
Being a mom is hard work and a lot like having a mega serving of humble pie. And being a first-time mom is a little like trying to sink or swim when it comes to figuring it all out. I oftentimes seek advice from those parents that I truly admire. However, other parents seem to "offer the goods" without being asked. And truthfully, I would rather they didn't. Like I said before, I would be a big ol' hypocrite if I said that I didn't ever judge other moms or humans in general. But it usually has more to do with things that I think might be socially unacceptable (i.e. cussing in front of your kid or allowing them to play barefoot in the snow). Which, forgive me if I am wrong, but allowing my child to watch Sesame Street is not quite the same thing as letting them run with scissors. Big socialist scissors.
5 comments:
You're a fantastic mom, and it's not like you let him watch Avenue Q. There's no way you'd take him to see that before his 10th birthday.
You can be honest with us... her kid probably really wasn't even cute, was he/she? That kid will probably be the outcast in Kindergarten b/c they'll be so out of the loop on pop culture.
xoxo.
Signed,
Mom who breastfed her baby for longer than some are comfortable with, but lets her kid watch lots and lots and lots and lots of TV. And we eat fast food sometimes. And I love diet coke.
big socialist, homosexual, preservative fed scissors!
Now I know 72% of statistics are totally made up, but I think you nailed it on the head when you said %100 of moms are judged... esp. by other moms and that is 100% terrible.
Thank you for writing this post. I think its an "issue" that every mom has been a victim and perpetrator of and its often ignored and we are often bullied into making or stopping decisions we arent totally comfortable with just to keep those blasted eyes off and those gossip traps shut. And that needs to end. Moms should support not demean one another.
And about sesame street... WHAT!?!?! Socialist, homosexual propaganda... are you joking...I happen to know for a fact (as a wise person just told me )that puppets dont have sexual orientations... so put that in your judgment hole and smoke it judgey no one asked for you opinion mompetitor.
last but not least... I love you, and you are a GREAT mom and because you are human (just like me but apparently like a lot of other stepford moms) you have and will make decisions that may be based on convenience or simplicity or just because they get that precious Liam of yours to actually eat or sleep or stop crying... and that is O.K. too because you know what.... you deserve it and anyone who knows you KNOWS you would move mountains for your family and you always always always make them your priority and love them and keep them safe and really... that is all you can do and I will hunt down and beat anyone who makes you feel otherwise.
I will end this novella now.
Amen! Great post.
You watched my kids for me during the whole belt on the door (not for spanking, other readers...) phase we were going through and didn't judge me.. Motherhood is an ugly business sometimes and "making it through" whatever (safe and loving) means necessary is a part of it. You guys are super duper parents and I'd let you adopt mine anytime... :)
LOVE this post! I too am that mom that probably lets their kid watch too much TV but you know what, I'm a happier mom because of it. It lets me keep SOME of my sanity. And I only let him watch Jersey Shore 1 day a week so it's really not that bad right? ;)
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