Blink

Today is Liam's last day of school.  I snapped the picture below to commemorate the day.  It really amazes me how much he has grown since he first started the program in January.  He is such a little man.  And I guess today I am just a little sentimental at how much/fast my kids are growing. 

A little over a year ago he was in speech therapy because he probably couldn't say more than 10 words.  But today he is so verbal that I have to sometimes stand back and just take it all in.  It also means that Eric and I are having to be extra careful about what we say because of how he processes it.  Sometimes it can be funny, but I can see how it could be trouble later on down the road.  I have to remind myself that he is only just three years old and his world doesn't have the basis for experience that ours does; that he is still a little boy and I can't expect more from him than what he can give.  I love that he still lets me hold him like a baby (even though it looks like a child holding another child).  I love his blond curls and long eyelashes.  The way he is starting to share my passion for reading and the adventure that comes from slipping into another time and place.  He is fearless and it both terrifies me and makes me proud, because of how cautious I have been my whole life.  He will always be my baby no matter how old he gets.  I look forward to what God has planned for both my kids lives.

Ansley is my little sweetheart.  She is extremely vocal, as I have heard most girls are.  She will probably achieve more milestones a little earlier than her brother.  Whether it is because she is a girl or whether she is a second child I have yet to determine.  At almost six months old, she has started to army crawl across the floor.  It is bittersweet for me because she will likely be our last baby.  I am reminding myself to cherish these days.  I look forward to the moment where she is old enough to actively play with her brother, and we can travel the way my family did growing up.  The way she kicks her legs with excitement when I go in to retrieve her after she wakes up.  Her constant wonder at learning her body can be manipulated by her sheer will.  The way she lights up at seeing her big brother, daddy or the dogs. 

I want to capture this time in a little bottle.  The smell of sunscreen and sweat as we all play outside into the twilight, chasing the fireflies that have started to appear.  The aroma of Johnson and Johnson's Nighttime Baby Wash and Burt's Bees Shampoo on their sweet skin. The content sighs of children settling into a deep sleep.

The other day while I was picking Liam up from school I met a woman picking up her grandchildren.  We got to talking and she revealed to me that her only child had been murdered awhile back.  I felt immediately sick as I remembered the ongoing coverage on the news.  He was the owner of a Christian recording studio in the area.  He and a friend were gunned down in a robbery attempt as they worked late one night by two men riding the DART train and looking for a target.  I was obsessed with the coverage for so many reasons.  Partly because the victim was my age.  Perhaps it was because he had two children that are about the same age as mine are right now.  Or maybe it was because it was the same train that Eric had been taking to work on a daily basis.  Maybe it was because both victims seemed to be leading purpose driven lives, chasing after God.

The woman and I stood in the corridor of the church and cried and hugged.   At that moment her granddaughter, one of her only links to her "baby" boy ran up to us.  We quietly brushed away tears and I chocked back more as I saw this perfect little girl who had lost so much.  My heart hurts at all the pain in the world.  The unfairness at a light being extinguished by hate. But his mother said that shortly before his death he was convinced that God had a plan for his life.  While our plan doesn't always match God's, as the last few years have taught me, I know that his plan is better and bigger than ours could ever be. 

Each night as Eric and I put our babies down,  it is so easy to be worn out by the day.  But we breathe in their innocence and our immense love for them.  Eric reads Liam a nightly story by flashlight, we pray and sing songs.  We hold our babies close and thank God for letting us be part of their world.

Perhaps not so obvious after all....

In downtown Dallas there is a new park complete with a splash garden for the kiddos.  Fantastic right?  I certainly thought so until I read the sign.  Ew and ew. 

Water Feature (Fountain) Rules 

Water Shoes Required

Non-Service Animals Prohibited

Do Not Drink Water From the Fountain

Use if the Fountain With a Contagious Disease is Prohibited

Changing Diapers Within 6 Feet of the Fountain is Prohibited

Use of the Fountain When Ill With Diarrhea is Prohibited

Balance

Boy was I deluded.  I thought that balance and having life somewhat figured out was something that came with age.  Let me explain.  Spoiler alert: If you don't want to hear complaining than you may want to skip this post.

I thought for the longest time that the deepest desire of my heart was to be a stay-at-home mom.  To wake up every morning and make my children a nutritious and wonderfully delicious breakfast.  We would laugh and joke before heading out on one of the day's many exciting and fulfilling excursions. We would return home in the afternoon whereupon my kids would take a synchronized nap whilst I read up on world politics before making a fantastically complex dinner for my hubby.  We would lovingly bathe and put our spawn to bed and spend the evening chatting about our day while I made muffins for the next day.

What my day actually looks like?  I couldn't tell you, because most days are pretty different around here.  With Liam we could practically set our watch by his schedule.  However, after five months with Ansley we still don't have an exact schedule.  Except that she naps several times a day and wants between 5-6 bottles and two meals.  Liam and I make our best attempts to keep to a normal schedule. I usually have to corral him to eat breakfast/change out of pajamas/brush his teeth.  Then I have to bribe him with the promise of juice to have story time and the promise of a snack to have some sort of "art" time.  Sometimes we will throw in a trip to the library or park depending on how much I think I can control him. During his "quiet time" (he no longer naps), I usually expend available energy trying to get him to stay quiet for Ansley's nap.  I should also mention that I let him watch an episode of Curious George or Calliou if I am performing a task that requires a "babysitter" such as cleaning up a massive spill or getting laundry folded.  Did I mention how awesome it is to watch the same movie/hear the same song over and over and over again because it is your toddlers favorite? Then I count the hours down until Eric returns home (sometimes with dinner somewhat prepped, but more often than not, not even started).  So there.  I have put out all my cards on the table.

Being a stay-at-home mom is hard.  And while it is rewarding and I love my children more than life itself, I think I had built up a rainbows and unicorns type of existence in my head.  To top it off, I think I had the cockiness that comes from being able to manage a single child.  Thinking that I was a great parent that could balance it all.  But the reality is that having two kids changes everything.  And I mean everything.  I didn't realize the amount of guilt that I would have at not feeling like I could meet both of my kids needs all the time.  Butting heads with a willful toddler doesn't help.  Did I mention that I had to hold a crying Ansley while having my annual women's exam?  And that I had to again hold her while having a cavity filled today?  I know that it is not Christian to say, but I secretly (or maybe not so secretly) envy those parents that seem like they have everything under control.  They lead a Pintrest type existence, whereas I definitely do not.

I realize that I am blabbering on about a whole lot of nothing and I apologize, but I guess that I just have a lot going on in my old noggin. I am trying my hardest to enjoy this season in my life and to realize that just because it is not how I had pictured it doesn't mean that it is any less special.  I will continue to work to find balance in my life and to remind myself that the grass isn't always greener on the other side...perhaps just a different shade of green.

Liam less than thrilled that I am forcing him to sit in the stroller for an obligatory walk.

The Penguin Within

During the past few months, Liam has developed an imaginary friend.  The Penguin.  And no, the Penguin does not have a name.  Just Penguin.  He first appeared back in February.  At first I thought he was just a passing phase, so I sort of just ignored him.  Besides he didn't require us to shell out any additional money for shelter and food.  Eventually Penguin started to be brought into conversation more and more.  Usually as a scapegoat, but more often as a constant companion.  During quiet time in Liam's room I could them conversing (one way of course).  And when we went to Albuquerque back in March, although I specifically stated that Penguin could not come, he appeared on our Southwest flight and remained during our entire time in the 505. 

I have been reassured by many people that it is completely normal.  At first I kind of just ignored him.  Then I acknowledged him to a certain degree.  But now Penguin is starting to require quite a bit of work.  For example, when we go to the park I have to push Liam on the swing.  This is quite a feat for someone with a 14 pound baby strapped to their chest.  But now he also requires that I push Penguin in the adjoining swing.  I tried to explain that maybe P's own mommy should push him as a fine layer of sweat developed on my upper lip.  But he retorted, as though I was even ridiculous to mention such an idea, that Penguin's mommy did not come to the park.

I have also taken on the role of peer conflict mediator (a skill which I honed as an elementary school student = lame).  I now break up fights all day long between P and L, over toys and not sharing.  I told Liam that he shouldn't be friends with someone who never shares because true friends always share, even when it is tough (cue Full House music).  However, he responded by putting Penguin in time out.  After I told him that only Mommy and Daddy put people (or animals) in time out, I unknowingly increased my workload because now he narcs on Penguin every chance he gets, pleading with me to put him in timeout. 

P has also become scapegoat numero uno in the Pate household.  Ansley's pacifier has gone missing?  Penguin took it.  Can't find your shoes?  Penguin is wearing them.  Forgot to pay the American Express?  Penguin was supposed to remind me.  Ok.  So maybe that last one comes from me, but it is sort of nice to have someone to blame besides myself, and the dogs lack the opposable thumbs necessary to pay bills.

I realize that in time Penguin will move on, but I can't help but feel as though someone is constantly watching me get dressed. 

5 Months

It is hard to believe that Ansley is five months old!  She continues to be such a sweet, calm baby.  However, she has definitely found her voice and often screeches at the top of her lungs...just.because.she.can.  My pediatrician doesn't do a five month well-check so I don't have any stats on her.  However, I can tell you that she can:

• Roll over from front to back and back to front and has been able to do this for a few weeks.  She gets really irritated when she finds herself on her stomach leading to her high pitched screaming.  And spitting up.  A lot.
• That leads to swaddling.  She has been swaddled since she was a newborn, but has been breaking out of her swaddles for about a month now.  We went from the regular swaddles to the more complex Miracle Blanket, but she has now Houdini-ed her way out of those as well.  Now that she can flip over in her swaddle we have been trying to break of using a swaddle all together.  And it has been going miserably.  We are up all night flipping her back around once she ends up on her stomach and freaks out.  I am also now cursing her love for the pacifier as she cries out when she loses that too.  
•  She has now been introduced to fruits and several vegetables.  Not a big fan at first, she is getting used to them, but still prefers her bland single-grain rice cereal.  
• She can now fake cough for attention.  At least I hope it is a fake cough.  She does seem to enjoy us checking on her and then the cough disappears....
•  Reaches for objects and people.  Including Liam.  He fell the other day and was crying.  When I went to comfort him and she was in my arms, she reached for him.  
• She can also sit up if she is propped up with something.  That makes it hard to put her in her bouncy chair because she hates to be reclined.  She is also starting to like her jumperoo.  

I can't wait to see her continue to change and grow!

Just because you can doesn't mean you should...

For Liam's birthday his Uncle David sent him a Cars tent.  I fondly remember my brother and I playing in our Dukes of Hazard tent as children, so it has been fun to see Liam enjoy his new "clubhouse."   Technically, the tent is only supposed to fit two children.  But I can tell you for a fact, that it can uncomfortably fit one child, one small adult, one infant, and two dogs (with super bad breath).  I literally got the tent stuck around my hips while trying to exit.  Ahem - perhaps the universe is trying to tell me something. 

Anyhow it has been funny to watch Liam playing with his new treasure.  The other day during his quiet time I walked in and found him having Oreos (they are plastic) with Lighting McQueen (or Wiper Cream as he likes to call him).  He literally placed an Oreo on his "hood."  It is also funny because Liam thinks that I can't hear him if I am not in the tent, so I am privy to his conversations. He likes to pretend that he is driving to Starbucks so that he can get Mommy a hot Mocha.  One of the best birthday gifts ever!

Courtesy of my camera phone.  Not pictured, one Schnoodle, Ansley and all of Mommy's face.

Survival Swim

For the past 4 weeks Liam has been taking a survival swim class.  Even though we have a pool safety fence and our house alarm announces when an exterior door opens, it was important for us to have Liam take swim lessons in order to prepare for the summer season.  While ordinarily we would have just taken a class down at our local YMCA, we had a friend who recommended an Aqua Tykes class instead. 
 
This class is focused on what would happen if your child fell in the water and they were all alone.  They are taught to roll from a face-down position in the water to a face-up independent back float.  Roll over breathing is not taught very often in swim schools because it takes a lot of time and patience. The classes can be pretty intense.  They are 10 minutes a day, 4 days a week for anywhere from 4-6 weeks. 

Going into the lessons Liam was a little too overconfident.  Since last summer he used a swim vest, I think he was under the impression that he actually knew how to swim, which made him being near a pool very dangerous.  It was common for him to jump in the pool without an adult near by, because he thought that he knew how to swim.  So the first few lessons were a very rude awakening to him.  He hated it and would cry and want to get out of the water.  It is almost a sink or swim mentality.  But as the weeks went on he became more confident. 

This is his last week and I think that the lessons have been worth every penny.  The last few lessons they even have the kid wear their normal clothing to replicate an unexpected fall in the pool.  They start teaching children as early as 6 months, and I think we will start Ansley once she can walk.  I feel so much better knowing that if Liam were in a situation where he fell in, he could be alright.  And it is nice to know that we are done with floaties and swim vests.

A visit with the Kansas Pates

For the past few months we have been planning a trip to Kansas for the last week in April.  Primarily to walk in a 5k for the Juvenile Diabetes Research Foundation (JDRF), but also to spend some time with family.   My niece, Holly, has Type I diabetes and was diagnosed at a really early age.  Holly is a sweet, beautiful and caring little girl. We love spending time with her and our nephew, Sam.  They are two really amazing kids, and I often seek advice from Jolyn on parenting.  As a bonus, Eric's mom and dad also made the trip from Albuquerque so it was really a family affair.

We left late on Thursday so that the kids would hopefully sleep in the car.  Unfortunately neither one of my kids likes to be in a car.  I always assumed that all babies sleep in cars but they don't!  After an hour of intense wailing, Ansley finally fell asleep outside of Sanger, TX.  Liam followed suit, but woke several times during the drive because of the strobing effect of the lights on the interstate.  And when he woke up he was none too pleasant.  We finally got to Wichita a little after 1 a.m.  Ryan and Jolyn recently moved into a new house so it was a little odd to be wandering on a side of town that we were not familiar with.  Fortunately we easily found their new home and after settling the kids we promptly fell asleep.  Except for Liam, who ended up in our bed for like the first time ever.  And because we were all so tired, none of us woke each other up.  A true first.

The next day we took it easy.  We flew kites, took naps, went for a walk and to the neighborhood Barnes and Noble, and had a nice dinner and a movie.  On Saturday came the walk.  Jolyn had "Holly's Hooligans" shirts made for everyone on the team.  Even little Ansley! We met at a local park and the walk began.  Because we had so many little people on our team, we ended our walk about a mile into it.  The local JDRF had bounce houses, food and music for the participants so we had a nice time hanging out before Ansley determined that she had had enough excitement.  After a nap from practically everyone in the household (even Liam slept 3 hours), a nice long walk with Jolyn to catch up, and visiting with several particularly cute Weimaraner puppies, we returned home.  We had a little birthday party for Liam with Famous Dave's BBQ and lots of good wine for the adults. Liam even had his first glass of "wine."  It was really purple Kool-Aid.  I am sure child protective services will be called when Liam tells them that his family gives him wine and coffee (hot chocolate). 

We returned on Sunday morning and had to add an hour and a half to our trip because of all the stops.  Even though driving at night is painful, there are definitely benefits.  Visiting with family is always bittersweet, because we have a great time but always hate to leave.  Fortunately it won't be long until we are all together again!

Becky bought all three kids these great kites and it ended up being the perfect day for flying them.  Ryan and Jolyn's new backyard is massive.  In fact it is larger than some parks I know of. 

Two of the kites got tangled mid-air and flew as a group.  Impressed?  Well I don't get out that much. 

Sweet Sam getting hugs from Grandma Becky.  I think I have a dozen pictures of Sam since he was a baby getting cuddles from Grandma.  Liam and Holly are too full of energy to stop!

Group family shot the day of the walk.

The morning started out a little chilly so we bundled Ansley up with coats and blankets.  Fortunately she slept through a portion of the walk.

Holly and two of her besties. They have all known each other since they were babies.  It is hard to see from this picture, but all three of them held hands during the walk. So cute!

After the walk we played on the new playgroup equipment.

Saturday night and a Cars birthday cake.  If we had a theme for this year and Liam's likes it would be Cars and pirates. Most of his gifts were one of the two.

LOVE this hat from Ron and Becky.  He was the proud recipient of lots of pirate themed clothing.  I think Eric wishes that it came in a larger size!

Baby Everett

Last Wednesday, my best friend, Stephanie had her sweet baby Everett.  Of course I love Everett because he belongs to Steph and Gabe.  But I especially love Everett because Stephanie has asked me to be his God Mommy!  He is such a perfect little baby and I can't wait to hold him in my arms.  

I think he looks just like Stephanie and Gabe.  And I love this look on his face shortly after being born.  It is like this exaggerated, "Now what? I came out for this?"