Do NOT lick the toilet!

If you weren't already judging me and my offspring based on this title, you probably will after reading a few more popular phrases heard around the Pate Household these days.  

Directed towards Liam:

• We do not touch our poop. 
• Stop putting your shoe in your mouth. 
• Do not tee tee on the carpet (oh boy is potty training fun). 
• We do not go up to strangers and hug them (this after a particularly fun afternoon where he hugged the guy who mowed our lawn). 
• Put your clothes back on! We do not run around the house naked!
• Son, not every male who wears glasses is Daddy. So stop calling strangers Daddy!
• Do not put clothes on the dogs.  
• Stop wearing my bra as a hat. 
• Get out of Ansley's crib/bouncer/swing
• No Liam, I cannot put Ansley down for a nap because you want to play air hockey. 
• If you don't eat your pizza, you cannot have ice cream.
•  No, you may not have popsicles for breakfast (this was probably my fault since I asked him what he wanted to eat).  Followed by: No you may not have jello, ice cream, pita chips and hummus, and pizza.  As an aside, he will have to be very careful freshman year of  college.
• Do not put soap on your toothbrush.  
• Do not throw bubbles in the swimming pool (this after an entire container was thrown in the pool). 
• Liam, when you are praying, you do not need to tattle tale on Mommy.  "Dear Jeezus.  For Daddy, Mommy, Cooper, Chloe.  Mommy spank me if I don't listen. Amen."

From my mouth:

• Is it normal to have a golf ball sized lump on my breast? (Ah the joys of milk production).
• Can I squeeze in a glass of wine before the next feeding?  (Calculations required here; not compatible with post-pregnancy brain drain).
• How did I go from knowing what is happening in the world and politics to only knowing the theme song for Calliou? 
• Would it be possible to train one of the dogs to throw poopy diapers away? If so, would it be possible for one of the dogs to give Ansley one of her night feedings?
• I forgot to brush Liam's teeth this morning.  That's ok right?  I mean he is going to loose these teeth anyway.  
• No Eric, I really just want a massage. 
• To follow up, I promise I am not using the breast pump to woo you.  
• When did I turn into my mom?   

Ansley's look is totally like, "Seriously Mom?!"